Confession Time: I’m Lonely

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to post this. But since a few lovely people on Twitter were very supportive, and I tend to feel better about issues once I write them down, here it goes.

You know that people say high school sucks, and that your time at university is going to be the best time of your life? Well, those people are wrong, at least in my case.

In high school I had a fantastic group of friends. There were three girls and four guys I saw basically every single day. We spent time in class together, saw each other on the weekends, and even if we didn’t meet in the flesh I tended to speak to most of them every day, either on Skype or MSN or in a computer game.

Come university time, we were spread all over the country. At first, many of us went to the same uni. Within a year, most of us decided this uni wasn’t for us, and we spread even more.

And then everyone started building a new life for themselves. They got new friends, new hobbies, new interests. The only time I see them is on birthdays. They went from being people I saw every single day to acquaintances you only make small talk with once in a while. And I completely get it and I don’t blame them, but I’m the one who got left behind.

I tried to make friends at my new university. Sadly, I’m studying a dying course, having only nine classmates, all female. After a long series of disappointments, of failed plans and awkward conversations, I discovered that clearly a small group doesn’t mean a tight one.

So I did the sensible thing to do when you’re lonely – find a club. I joined two book clubs. One I couldn’t stay in because of time constraints – the other disbanded without anyone even telling me. I’ve been in two ballet classes, but in both there aren’t any people my age.

I feel like I constantly meet new people, both in real life and online, but none of them truly stick. We might have a nice chat once in a while, but it never becomes a habit.

And for me the worst thing is that this has been going on for years. I haven’t truly been part of a group of friends since high school – and I graduated in 2011. The only people that ever text me or call me are by boyfriend and my mom. And they’re both lovely, but they can’t fill this void with just the two of them.

So yeah. If you’re lonely too, I’d love to be your friend.

***

Addendum: Thank you all for the absolutely amazing comments and messages. I appreciate every one of them 🙂

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21 thoughts on “Confession Time: I’m Lonely

  1. Bonnie @ For the Love of Words says:

    Aw, Celine, I can definitely understand and sympathize. I can’t offer any real words of advice since I’m basically in the same boat as well.

    Anyways, all I want to say is, I’d love to be your friend! I might not be the reliable internet presence (I have two jobs at the moment) but I’m here if you ever want to chat… about anything! 🙂

  2. Crini says:

    I can totoally relate to this! I’m in a really small Master course and even though there sure are a lot of nice people, it’s just don’t really the kind of people I can become friends with like the ones I had in school. No matter how much I didn’t feel like going to school, at least I always saw my friends and that was worth it. That is completely gone now and I miss it.

    I found some good friends through the Internet though and I’m so glad I found them even if I barely see them and miss them all the time.
    It still feels lonely from time to time, especially when I sometimes feel like other bloggers connect “differently” than I do, that I’m missing out on something…

    If you need someone to chat, I’m here!

    • Thanks you Crini! I feel the same, concerning bloggers. I feel like some bloggers are like super super close, and I have yet to experience that. You can’t force friendship though, there has to be a certain connection (which seems to have been lacking at both our uni courses).

  3. I’m so glad you wrote this post! I know we just “met” on Twitter, but I wish I could give you a hug. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I completely relate to everything you said, and it’s a horrible place to be. Making friends and being a friend used to be so easy, and now it feels like this scary, insurmountable thing. I’m out of college, and like you, my friends are scattered throughout the country. It’s so hard to have meaningful conversations when our lives our now so different and I feel as if we have nothing in common anymore. (My best friend, who is 5 hours away, has a husband and is pregnant with her second child. I just cannot relate.) Yes, I’m an introvert, but I miss having close friends who know me and who I can trust to be there for me.

    I’m pretty new to the book blogging community, and technically I’m not even a part of it, since I don’t actually have a blog. I’m slowly getting to know some people, but it’s always hard to tell if people actually want to be my friend or if they’re just nice enough to reply, you know? In other words, I’m lonely, too, and I’d love to be your friend!

    (My mom’s the only one who calls me as well, haha.)

    • When I was little, friendship seemed to be this natural thing. I switched schools, skipped a class, moved towns, and never had any issues finding new fabulous friends where ever I went. As an adult, the spontaneity of it seems to be gone. It’s so awkward to make new friends now.

      I can completely understand you no longer being able to relate with your best friend. You’re both living such different lives, it’s hard to find a common ground. That’s what I’ve been experiencing with my friends as well (though probably less extreme – none of my friends have ventured into baby territory yet).

      Ha, I don’t blame you for testing the waters in the community before committing to a blog. It’s a wonderful place, but blogging can also be vicious and hard.

      In any case, thank you for the lovely comment, and I would love to get to know you better ^^

  4. I am lonely sometimes as well and I can relate 100% to this post. I never really had a close group of friend not even in high school. I always felt lonely during high school. There were people I talked with or spent lunch break with, but we never really felt close, we were the group of misfits that didn’t fit anywhere so we banded together.
    University wasn’t much better. I had a friend, but she dropped out after the first year as she failed her statistics course, so then I spent the majority of my uni days alone and the breaks reading and while I didn’t mind too much, sometimes it’s nice to have someone else to talk to or share things with. My Master year also was a small group of people of around 20 and while it felt tight, it never felt like I really belonged, I just didn’t feel a connection with any of them.
    In my last years of high school I met my current boyfriend and I am so happy I did as can share everythgin with him. But beside that I have almost no real life friends at all. I have one friend from high school with whom I e-mail now and then. And sometimes I just wish to talk to someone else about what I am going through to struggling with or have someone to visit and talk with. So yeah I know what you’re going through and it just feels so hard to find peopel who I can really connect with, usually I find peopel who are ncie, but they aren’t really my type of people. I think it’s good to get topics like this out in the open, no one wants to bring it up, but I think it’s good to talk about it.

    • I’m so sorry to hear all of this, Lola. That must have been tough for you. I’m glad you found your boyfriend though, it sounds like you are a great together.

      Loneliness seems to be a bit of a taboo topic – though why that is, I don’t know. It’s like no one wants to be the first to say they’re lonely. Because when I see all of the responses on my post, we’re clearly not the only ones at all. It all lonely people would just get together and be friends, that would be fantastic

  5. *huge cuddles* I totally get where you’re coming from.. often feel this way too. So sorry I suck so much at starting conversations. Any of my friends could tell you this. I promise, though, if you ever wanna chat.. seriously, silly stuff.. anything at all. Prod me. If I’m busy, I’ll say so. If I don’t reply, I’m not there. Otherwise, I’m all yours. 🙂

  6. Celine–don’t feel lonely! I’ll be your friend! (Albeit from thousands of miles away…:)) I know how you feel–I never connected with many people in college, at least not as close friends, and I am still close friends with one girl I’ve known since gradeschool, one since high school, and one I met in grad school. I’m an introverted person and I tend to make lots of acquaintances, but not a whole lot of close friends. It can be lonely sometimes, I completely understand.

    Just know you’re really not alone 🙂

    • I accept friends from all locations! Though it’s too bad we can never actually hang out or something, I’m so glad I have people to at least share my bookishness with 😀

      Thank you MaryKate! ❤

  7. I think you might be surprised at how many people would be able to relate to this post. I am lucky in that I have one really wonderful friend (who I have been friends with since school, I didn’t meet anyone at university) and I am very close to my family but other than that I find it hard to meet people that become more than just casual acquaintances. I find it easy get along with people that I meet where I volunteer or in classes but it is only within those settings I have actually been unwell for a few years and so I have basically spent most of my time alone, and most of the time I am OK with that, but sometimes it sucks.

    So … yeah, I have nothing helpful to say but I do understand!

  8. Awww Celine *hugs* As much as high-school really did suck for me, I find that as you get older, it can feel like it gets lonelier and lonelier. Friends get separated after high school, and even more so after Uni, people get married, have kids, have jobs and are so busy with their day to day lives that it becomes next to impossible to just hang out with people! As an introvert, making new friends can be challenging and as an adult I find it very tough sometimes. I wish all of us bloggers friends lived closer together…or you know, that we could Apparate and see each other in the blink of an eye 🙂

  9. I was bullied through primary school, did have some friends in secondary school, but I always feel I kinda missed out on the real friendship. The ones you see on TV or read about in books. The ones that will leave an impression on you.

    Feeling lonely is a terrible feeling and I’ve started to let go and just enjoy the people I have around me.

    But you know, it’s never too late! It’s a shame you couldn’t stick with the book club, because that’s the thing that makes me feel less isolated 🙂

    You can ALWAYS shoot me a message if you feel like talking to someone. *hugs*

  10. This post struck such a chord with me, thanks for posting it.

    I’ve been going through some similar things lately – my high school group disbanded when we all headed to Uni too, we rarely speak, only when we pass each other, which doesn’t happen often. I didn’t make any very close friends at University because I travelled from 30 miles away and didn’t move into Halls, and I had a longterm relationship that I (unfortunately) gave far too much energy to (it ended in the last year of Uni and wasn’t very healthy!). I have great friends in real life (off the internet), but many of us are busy with lots of things going on, and some have gotten into relationships, which means the collective gang of single females putting the world to rights has disappeared. I focussed on my career since leaving Uni three years ago, and while it’s going very well, I can’t shake the feeling of loneliness either, though that stems from not having a relationship, and sometimes I need to give myself a shake and remember that it won’t make me happy just by having one. It’s not for a lack of trying, but for now it looks like it’s just me and my cat 🙂

    Similar to everyone else’s sentiments, feel free to contact me if you fancy a chat. R x

  11. Red Iza says:

    Ah, I had that feeling too, but since I’m a bit of a loner, I get along just fine with that. I understand how hard it must be for you, though. And it’s tough making the effort of going out to meet new people and not getting any result… Well, you still have friends online – not the same thing, but it’s something 😉 I hope things will improve 🙂

  12. Faye M. says:

    Awww, Celine 😦 I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. I totally understand because I was on the same boat when I was in High School. I wasn’t enemies with anyone, I wasn’t bullied, but I never had a tight clique that I could cling to for comfort or laughs or for simply jamming. I was friends with everyone but I never had a “close” friend. My only close friend was in grade school and she left for another school when High School came (we got together in the same university after four years. Needless to say, she made my uni life SO MUCH BETTER). That feeling of loneliness and helplessness is just too damn depressing. Let’s talk more on Twitter! Having online friends that I could to everyday helped me loads, too.

    Faye at The Social Potato

  13. I’m so sorry to hear that, Celine. 😦 Being lonely sucks donkey balls, I know the feeling. I’ve been thinking it’d be nice to get to know each other better (us Dutchies got to stick together and all that – plus, you seem cool!). I actually sent you a DM on Twitter a few minutes ago! If you ever feel like having a chat (about ANYTHING) don’t hesitate to send me a message, mkay? 🙂

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